Whether you are the family's sole breadwinner or your job is what pays for all of the “extras,” like soccer, summer camp, and that long-awaited trip to Disney World, you have people counting on you financially. For many of us, having a job isn’t an option. It's something we have to do. Even if we love what we do, many of us work because we need to in some capacity—and it’s a lot of weight to carry.
Moms who work outside the home constantly try to meet people’s expectations, so it’s easy to understand why our identities quickly get wrapped up in what we do instead of who we are. When work isn’t going well, we might feel an overwhelming sense of pressure to find something new as quickly as possible not to let anyone down. Unfortunately, landing a new job can be incredibly difficult and can take a long time, and that “in-between” time can feel a little like an identity crisis.
When so much rides on you and your salary, the line between who you are as a person and what you do can get very blurry, so it’s understandable if a long job search is getting you down. Even if you’re doing everything right, finding a new job can still be challenging. When this happens, and everything feels out of control, it’s helpful (and essential) to step back and remember: you are not your career.
There Is More To Life Than Work
Think back on your childhood. Do you remember being asked, “what do you want to be when you grow up” when you were in kindergarten (or even before)? While your answer to that question may have changed over time, the question itself never did. As an adult, the question simply morphed from “what do you want to do?” to “what do you do?”. It’s no wonder why so many of us feel wrapped up in our jobs because we’ve spent decades fretting over having the perfect answer.
There’s no doubt that work is an essential part of life, whether it’s because you’re helping to support your family or because it’s allowing you the opportunity to do something meaningful (or both!), but it’s not all there is to life. Other parts of you also matter, like being a mom, a friend, a partner, and a daughter/son. There’s also more to you and your life than who you are to other people. You have passions, hobbies, talents, interests, and abilities that are all pieces of you.
When you’re in a position where you’re looking for a new job with things that just aren’t going as you’d hoped, it can be helpful to take a break from the search (assuming you’re able to) and reconnect with who you are. Adjust your perspective of yourself and remember all of the things you bring to the table, not just at work but at home and in the world.
This practice may seem silly on the surface (and it’s challenging to do when you’re frustrated and in a bad mood from job searching), but it can truly impact your trajectory. First, it might help you feel more confident about who you are and your value. It might also lead you to revamp your resume with new skills or experience you hadn’t thought to include before. Or, maybe it’ll show you that this job search isn’t working because your heart isn’t in it. You’re ready to explore a new industry or a new career entirely.
If nothing else, this practice is a gentle reminder that the answers to questions like “what makes you happy?” or “what do you enjoy doing” are just as important as the answer to “what do you do for a living?”
Asking For Help is a Good Thing
Once you’ve adjusted your mindset and stopped putting all of your identity in your work, if you’re ready to push forward in the job search, now is an excellent time to ask for some outside help. Often we put so much faith into online job boards that we forget about other avenues of landing jobs—particularly getting the support of people in real-life.
Here are a few ways you can ask for help:
- Reach out to your friends or family to find out if they know of anyone who is hiring
- Reconnect with someone in your network and ask if they’d be willing to serve as a referral for a job you’re applying for at their company
- Hire a career coach to help you navigate everything from your resume to your goals to your interview skills
- Attend in-person events to meet new people who may be able to hand-deliver your resume to someone they know who can help you in your search
When you apply for a job online through a job board, you are simply one of many resumes in a stack. However, you have a much higher likelihood of landing a new job if you have a personal relationship with someone of influence (no matter how big or small the impact).
Stay Positive
Remembering you’re more than your career is only the first step. You also have to commit to investing in yourself (learn a trade, get a new certification, or apply for a fellowship), finding new ways to look for jobs, and simply sticking with it. An extended job search can be complicated, but staying positive and not giving up is essential. It will happen, hopefully carrying a little less weight since your entire identity won’t be in it.
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