Changing Your Mindset While Searching for a New Job

When a job search drags on and on, it can be really challenging to stay optimistic, especially when you’re stuck in a current job where you’re unhappy. Job search depression is real, and if you’re experiencing it, it’s important to give yourself some grace and take a break from the search, but at some point, you’ll need to find a way to gather the motivation to get back to the search. As tough as job searching can be, the fact of the matter is that it’s up to you to find a new job because no one else can do it for you. 

There are so many reasons to feel discouraged during a job hunt. The interview process is long, and if you make it through all of the rounds only to come in second place, you might feel disappointed by missing out on an opportunity and frustrated about all of the time you invested, only in being rejected. Or, if you are offered a handful of phone interviews but can’t seem to make it to the next stage, you might begin to question yourself (because even though we know we shouldn’t take job rejection personally, it can be tough not to). Then, of course, if you aren’t getting any kind of response to your applications, you can start to feel like, “what’s the point?”

If you’ve spent months job searching, only to face rejection after rejection, no one can fault you for feeling down, resentful, pessimistic, or even angry at your situation. However, at some point, you have to make a decision: are you going to remain negative (and negativity has a way of creeping into every part of your life), or are you going to take the steps necessary to rediscover your positivity? 

Your Attitude Matters

While a depressive disorder can pop up unprompted at just about any time, situational depression (such as job search depression) is usually short-term and often a little easier to get out of as long as you do the work. Even if you’re not to the point of full-blown depression, constant disappointment can still take a toll on your mental health. Still, the only way it will get better is if you take the steps necessary to get out of the funk instead of letting yourself sink deeper into it. 

One of the quickest ways to turn around your attitude is to reduce actively (or, ideally, eliminate) negative self-talk. It can be tricky because it’s likely you unknowingly engage in negative self-talk even in good times. Here are some examples of what it could look like in both everyday life and in a job search:

• I can’t believe I made such a stupid mistake
• This is all my fault
• No one wants me to work for them, I’m never going to find a new job
• I’m going to be stuck in this job forever and I’ll never be successful
• I might as well give up, this is pointless
• I’m so stupid, why did I ever think I could do something like this? 

These thoughts are sneaky, and you sometimes don’t realize you’re thinking them until the damage happens. However, once you’ve reached a place of depression (or near-depression), you’ll likely find that you engage in a lot more negative self-talk than you realized. Ideally, you can get yourself to a place where you’re able to stop the negative self-talk in its tracks before you can finish the complete thought, but this is extremely difficult. That doesn’t mean you can’t still combat it, though. Instead of stopping cold turkey, try counteracting the negative thought by mentally responding with a positive one like this: 

Positive self-talk doesn’t need to be all rainbows and butterflies. If it’s over the top, then you’re not going to believe it and it will be counterproductive (because you’ll probably want just to roll your eyes at the nonsense and quickly give it up). You can still acknowledge that you’re having a tough time because the fact of the matter is you are, so you don’t have to push it down and pretend everything is okay. However, instead of acknowledging it in a self-deprecating way, approach it productively by being honest about your feelings. Also, consider what you can do to change the situation. Identify solutions to your struggles because the only way out of this is with some kind of change which probably isn’t going to come in the form of a new job landing in your lap to make everything better. 

Don’t Be Afraid to Ask For Help

Sometimes, even with your best efforts. It’s essential to ask for help because bottling it up and managing the situation on your own can make the problem worse. You can seek help from outsiders in several ways:

• Let your family and friends in on what you’re experiencing so that they can help you carry the burden by lifting you when you need it and offering advice 
• Reach out to your professional peers/former colleagues and confide in them; they may be going through the same thing or could have tips for what helped them get through something similar
• Get connected with a career coach who will not only help you make changes to your job search strategy but who will also show empathy and compassion for what you’re going through
• Setting up an appointment with a professional counselor or therapist who will thoughtfully listen to whatever it is you need to get off your chest (and offer you tools to help, if you’d like)

Asking for help can be hard in the best of times, and when things aren’t going great it makes it all the more difficult. Once again, it’s okay to acknowledge how tough it is to show vulnerability and admit that you can’t do something alone. Still, you need to problem solve and move forward (because dwelling on the negative will not do you any good–especially when you’re already in a sad place). 

Valuable Resources

If you’re at a point where you’re ready to make a change, then there are plenty of resources to help you get started. Here are a few to check out:

Inspiring Books

• Rising Strong by Brene Brown
• Stop Overthinking by Nick Trenton
• The Choice: Embrace The Possible by Edith Eger
• A Year of Positive Thinking by Cyndie Spiegel
• When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times by Pema Chödrön

Mental Health Organizations

• Anxiety & Depression Association of America
• National Alliance on Mental Illness
• Mental Health America
• National Network of Depression Centers

Do The Work

Changing your mindset from negative thoughts to positive thoughts is not always easy to do. It becomes more and more complicated the deeper you are into negativity and or depression. Still, it’s worth doing the work, not only for your general well-being but also because the only way you’re going to find a new job is by staying positive and continuing to try. You don’t have to face the situation alone, but, ultimately, you are responsible for landing a new job for yourself, so it’s up to you to do what it takes to make it happen. 

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The Mom Project supports women throughout their working motherhood journey. Search for career opportunities with vetted, family-friendly employers, and get access to job search tools, career development resources, and a thriving community of moms and allies.